I am a Yogi

I have never been addicted to exercise. I have never liked exercise. I have to force myself to exercise. If you see me running I suggest you run to because I am either running from something scary or running towards something amazing. I had never experienced the bliss and endorphin release from exercise until one hot steamy day in August.

The month is August the time of day is dusk and in the city of Montrose it is a balmy 90 degrees. My inner voice says Megan you need some exercise. My other inner voice says no you do not need exercise you need ice cream. I am tempted to listen to the second of the two voices because it just seems more fun to sit on the couch and eat ice cream. Then in a flash I have a brilliant idea. I will go to yoga. I will breathe and lay on a mat for an hour call it exercise and go for ice cream. Brilliant idea!

I walk into a local studio and I am greeted by a friendly face. I fill out all the proper paper work, no I won’t sue if you hurt me beyond repair the normal items before you exercise. I am thinking how can she hurt me she is little and its yoga. All we are going to do is breathe.

I take a seat on my borrowed purple mat. The studio feels nice compared to outside. Slowly people start to trickle in and everyone seems so happy to be there. I am thinking yes other people who are eager to lie on their mat and call it exercise; this is going to be fun.

The friendly lady named Rose comes to the front of the class. She sits she smiles she asks how is everyone tonight. She asks any requests? I am thinking yes chocolate chip ice cream for all my hard work hahaha. Someone says yes I would like to work my abs tonight. My ears perk up, someone else says yes I would like to work on my inner thigh strength my eyes get a little bigger, someone else says yes I would like work on my headstand. MY EYES ARE HUGE now. I am thinking hold on just a minute I thought yoga was breathing and relaxing nobody said anything about my abs or thighs or head stands are these people crazy.

Well that night I found out some things I never knew. Yoga is hard! Yoga is intense! Yoga is painful! Yoga is fantastic! I have never felt so many different emotions in the time span of an hour and 15 minutes. I am not someone who naturally can do the splits or even touch my toes. Rose would suggest various poses and I say suggest because if that pose is currently unavailable she gave us options, options while working out what the heck is going on in here. You mean if I cannot do everything that is ok and I am not a failure or band from your studio. I like this place it feels safe.

I did everything that I could that night. I tried all the poses and some were really painful. I was having my own private earthquakes as my whole body was shaking in the various poses. I could feel the stress of my day melting away. I could feel muscles engaging that had not been engaged in a long time. I watched in wonderment at others who looked so beautiful and graceful. I felt like a gazelle but looked like a lost monkey trying to figure out what the heck the other tribe members were doing. I could not believe how this once cool studio felt like a 100 degrees and sweet Rose turned into someone asking me to contort my body in the craziest positions. I must admit she always asked with a smile on her face. How did I get so sweaty I barely moved? The class ended with savasana which is corpse pose. You lie your sweaty self-down on your mat. You close your eyes and breathe finally the relaxed breathing that I was so desperately looking forward to and thought that was what yoga was all about. We laid there for 5 minutes in a total state of relaxation that was the best five minutes ever!

That August night I had never sweat so much and only moved my feet a total of 12 inches. How is it possible to be so sweaty, tired and shaky and only to have moved a foot or so? I may only have moved my physical being a foot or so but my whole mental outlook and attitude shifted 180 degrees from when I walked in that door.

After class Rose said so how was it. I thought hmm how do I describe this life altering experience that just happened to me? It was great, did not seem to fit what I had just experienced. I said I think I have been waiting my whole life for this studio and this class. She smiled. I said I had no idea how hard yoga is and yet how satisfying it is too. I felt a physical change but also and emotional change. I had never done something where I could feel myself change from the inside out before. She said yes she gets that a lot. I took home the class schedule and starting planning my entire life around my yoga classes. You think I am kidding but I am not. I became addicted to it. I do not want to go to dinner with friends if that means missing yoga. When I have a day off from work and I take two yoga classes. I do not want anything to interfere with my experience on the mat. Just at the time when I discovered the most amazing thing ever yoga, I enrolled in an accelerated degree program. When I enrolled the counselor informed me that it would require 20 hours a week of studying. Pre- yoga no problem I can do that post yoga I knew I could not give up my yoga. I did not give it up and in fact I go 6 times a week. When I miss a class I miss it to my core. When I can’t sleep at night I picture myself doing these crazy hard poses. One night at 3:30 am I thought sure I can do that arm balance. In my head I looked fantastic. I prepped myself I bent down I placed my knees on my triceps and before I knew it I placed my face on the floor. You think I would have realized that pose is currently unavailable to me but no I tried it again. Knees on triceps face on ground bruise on chin. Ok I figured it out time. However I am pleased to say that the pose is now currently available to me.

Why do I love yoga so much? It is a non-competitive exercise that feels good emotionally and physically. It has given me confidence to try new things and see what happens. I am surrounded by people who have positive energy and are not worried about what anyone else can do on the mat, only what they can do. I can bring my daughter and watch her stretch and grow. I can touch my toes now and I am working on the splits, which I never thought I would say. Yoga has brought a balance to my life and I see the importance of taking time for me. My yoga practice is all about me. What I can do on the mat, how my body feels doing different poses and how far I want to push myself. Or as Rose would say what new edges do I want to explore tonight and would I like to feel more. What is my yoga intention for the day and how I can shine my light on others? My yoga practice has nothing to do with the person next to me who may or may not be more flexible than me. I am not trying to be better than anyone only better myself. There are few things that I had ever experienced that really are only about helping me with zero competition. Some might say I am being selfish that I go so often and that maybe true but what a great thing to be selfish about. I am being selfish in my wellbeing and in this day of going going going I am taking the needed time for me to rejuvenate my body and soul.

I am a yogi and please if you can repeat after me: Peace in my heart, peace in my mind, peace always surrounding me.

daily insight:

"and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make" i'll be taking lots of love and beautiful memories of the pura vida life in costa rica this month of june. thank you to everyone that supported me in making this trip happen. i plan to give back all the love i took from this place and the beautiful people we encountered.

daily insight:

reflection seems like a luxury these days to most people. taking time out to reflect, get perspective, meditate on where you are in the moment is essential to balance. this is why vacation is so important, and travel too. to really get  away and give yourself the gift of a time-out. life is only going to move faster so we must make pockets in our days, weeks, years for slowing down and soaking up as the days begin to slip away and we count down this last week here i savor the moments of reflection.

daily Insight:

celebrate. celebrate each breath, each new beginning, each ending. just don't forget to celebrate. remember your intention and celebrate it every chance you get. i was reminded of my intention today, to celebrate a goal realized by coming to costa rica and surfing its ocean. shift your gaze when it starts going down the rabbit hole of self-pity, anxiety, dis-trust, bitterness and look for your celebration.